


(Total Eclipse) Of The Heart

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Incest, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-07
Updated: 2009-08-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5362298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's been falling apart for too long and Sam has only been picking up some of the pieces.  Something has to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Total Eclipse) Of The Heart

 

  
Bright eyes stared back at him across the darkened room and Dean couldn’t breathe through the intensity of that gaze.  It was everything he’d ever wanted to see and the one thing he’d always denied himself.  It was all there and he only had to reach out to touch it, but fear clenched him and he continued to stare, gasping and shivering with need. 

 

 

He’d been alone for too long now, alone to hide his fear and anger and pain and he didn’t know how to open up again.  He was too old for this, to reconfigure who he was, not too old in age but in use.  His whole life he’d been used by his father who had thrust too much responsibility on him too young, had trusted him with things he should never have seen let alone understood.  He didn’t think back about his life because all he could see was Sam and he’s terrified to think that the best of his life was wrapped up in him and that he’d lost him.  He’s terrified that he’d never find himself again, once he had his brother back, but then Sam looked at him like that and no matter how scared he was, something loosened.

 

 

He had hope.

 

 

He wanted to run his fingers through Sam’s hair, to pull him close and breathe his scent, press his way between those lips, between those legs and lose himself.  The sob escaped him and Sam wrapped him in arms that no longer needed held, but had a strength all their own.  He felt angry, tried to wrap himself in that, but it’s Sam and even when he tried to throw that hatred into his brother he couldn’t.  He looked into Sam’s eyes that still burned with intense heat and understanding and that tightened something in his chest.

 

 

It gave him strength.

 

 

He could still see fire in his eyes if he looks close, flames that destroyed Sam’s normal, not once but twice.  He always knew that he couldn’t give Sammy what he wanted, that he couldn’t make them normal but he’d done what he could.  He’d tried to get Dad to stay longer, to let Sam have more slack and he’d taken his share of tumbles because of it.  Sam never said anything.  He’d just crawl into Dean’s bed and wrap too skinny arms around his brother, a silent camaraderie against a world they couldn’t change.  Sam accepted it mostly when Dean did what he had to in order to survive, when Dean adapted to become the man his father wanted him to be.  Sam understood that Dean did it because it was the only way for Sam not to.  He knew and never hated Dean for it, even when he sometimes hated the words Dean said or the things he said.  Sometimes he still looked at Dean and it was there, that knowledge. 

 

 

It gave Dean purpose.

 

 

He sold his soul then and hell changed Dean and the purpose and the hope and the strength were nothing that would allow him peace once he escaped.  He had no where else to go and no idea how to become the man he had been.  He wasn’t even sure he wanted to.  But Sam was there, holding him and making comforting noises.  And even though he knew he should try to comfort back, he couldn’t.  He knew that his heart was too hardened anymore.  What love he’d once had for Sam, that wrong that had been buried so far down, eclipsed everything else and hell had shown him that.

 

 

His love was eclipsed with shadow and pain and doubt. 

 

 

He felt a hand turning his cheek up and he didn’t understand at first when he felt the press of lips against his own. 

 

 

“Dean… please…” the words were gasped from Sam’s lips like a plea and a curse and Dean had no defense.  He needed this more than salvation and if there was a chance that Sam could save him from the dark, he had to take it.  He leaned into Sam, deepening the kiss.  Sam groaned into his mouth and Dean felt a sob building in the back of his throat.  Sam swallowed it down with mouth and tongue, with fingers caressing his cheek and throat, with a warm body pressed against him, holding him down. 

 

 

He couldn’t protest when Sam stripped them of clothes, or when he pressed slicked fingers inside his body, not when he pressed gentle kisses along his neck as he did so.  He felt his brother between his legs, felt the pain/pleasure of Sam inside him and he reached for his arms, fingers digging into flesh to hold him close.

 

 

“Love you Dean,” Sam muttered against his neck, into his hair, brushed across his lips.  “Don’t care anymore, don’t care about normal, don’t care what they say.  Only want you, need you.  Say yes Dean.  Tell me its okay.”

 

 

Dean felt the fireworks starting to build and he knew he could only hold it back so long as Sam’s fingers wrapped around him.  A few strokes and he came in a blinding flash of heat and light.  Sam thrust hard into him a couple times and then collapsed on top of Dean.

 

 

When Sam pulled out, he dropped to his side and looked at Dean, eyes shuttered.  “Yes Dean?”

 

 

Dean stared at Sam a minute, then let his head back and laughed.  Once he started he couldn’t stop and tears ran down his face.  When he finally looked back at Sam, he kissed his brother, laughing lightly.  “Probably should have asked before not after.” He said, pressing his lips to Sam’s again to keep his brother’s words at bay.  He pulled away only a fraction, his lips brushing Sam’s as he spoke.  “Yes Sam.  Always yes.”   He had what he’s always needed then, what they’d turned against him in hell.

 

 

He was Dean Winchester. He was alive and he had Sammy’s love.  What else could he want?  What was it the song said?  Living in a powder keg and giving off sparks?  Hell yes.  That was the way to go.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... I thought i'd posted this at some point, but I was looking for it today and no.. I actually haven't. So here it is. Written in Feb 09 for the [](http://rockin-the-80s.livejournal.com/profile)[rockin_the_80s](http://rockin-the-80s.livejournal.com/) challenge. Based on the song Total Eclipse of the Heart. Adore the song. I'm only so so on this fic.


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